when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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