I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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