She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
