Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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