I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
