Small penises have feelings too.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
