do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Can I color on your dick again?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
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