I hate all girls vehemently.
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
