Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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