butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
