if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Randomize
