There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
