my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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