So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
