For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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