so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
