she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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