Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
