she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
