I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Just pee around me
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
