guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
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