First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
