Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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