i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
