You smell like a Billy Joel song
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
