Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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