there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
