its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
did you just send me my own nude
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
