Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
