you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
only you would photoshop your dick
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Randomize
