Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
