sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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