lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
