Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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