I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
