I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
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