Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
