we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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