Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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