babies were throwing up all over the place
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
