I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
