just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
