We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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