I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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