You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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