Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
