He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize