Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
