it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
