Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My vagina is officially offended.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
