Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Randomize
