So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
my vag is so smooth its legendary
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
