i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
