How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
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