he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
