The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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