I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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