Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
